The article tells about the “wonderful” world of narcissism, mental disorders of the personality, claiming the title of mental illness of society.
Naturally, each person is fraught with some traits of a narcissist. This word causes negativity in most people – it’s just that many people misunderstand its meaning. It is especially difficult for a woman if she comes across a daffodil partner in her companions. How to understand that a person has “evil” narcissism, and he is a real threat to society?
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality Disorder – a personality disorder characterized by a belief in one’s own uniqueness, a special position, superiority over other people, grandiosity, an inflated opinion of one’s talents and achievements, preoccupation with fantasies about one’s successes, the expectation of unconditionally good attitude and unquestioning obedience from others, the search for the admiration of others to confirm its uniqueness and significance, by the inability to show sympathy, explains Anna Tur.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is recognized as a mental disorder according to the DSM, and according to studies, this disorder is more common in men than in women.
The narcissist attracts and repels at the same time. He looks like a modern Sir Lancelot with an indescribable charm. This knight is a master of illusions. In fact, it can be downright dangerous. He can seduce you with his accomplishments and seemingly impeccable self-confidence. Narcissists can talk boldly, in a conversation they pick up such phrases that seem to humiliate others. Around a narcissist, others may feel incompetent, illiterate, unsuccessful, ugly, and so on, and in a conversation with other people, this feeling of self quickly disappears.
Features
Commonly recognized symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:
- Preoccupied with himself, acting as if everything revolves around him/her.
- Self-promotion, constant talking about yourself, which, in essence, is a demand for constant admiration from others.
- Exaggerate your achievements and talents.
- Closes up very quickly, tries to be with you 24 hours a day, monitors your location.
- They don’t know how to sincerely apologize. They don’t know how at all. They are unable to accept the fact that someone is right and they are wrong and they are wrong.
- A narcissist may not show himself for a long time, and then appear with a bouquet and words of love.
- An expectation that others will not question the narcissist’s ideas and thoughts.
- High sensitivity to criticism, shame, anger, humiliation.
- Arrogance, haughtiness.
- “Walking on the heads”, i.e. moving forward at the expense of others.
- Excessive jealousy, distrust.
- Does not show empathy (he is not interested in your inner feelings) demanding.
- Snob, considers himself superior to you and others, easily bored.
- Brutal rejection of criticism.
Such shortcomings can be inherent to some extent in completely healthy people – ideal personalities do not exist.
Many narcissists try to hide the manifestation of the disorder, so it is not so easy to detect it. However, sooner or later narcissism manifests itself, and you will realize that you are faced with a carrier of this ailment.
Types of narcissism
Narcissism is multifaceted. There are different types and degrees of manifestation of narcissism.
1. The grandiose or open narcissist. The most extroverted and demonstrative. An incredibly strong need for recognition of his exceptionalism. All narcissists are sensitive to criticism, but the grandiose is not so receptive, as he thinks everyone envy him. Absolute confidence in one’s peerlessness leads to open manipulation of others. If such a narcissist does not receive the necessary attention and admiration, then his aggression will be open. They lose their temper very quickly and lose their temper easily. They may show cruelty towards others due to the fact that they are not capable of empathy. In those rare moments when they don’t brag about their accomplishments or tell stories about their loved ones, they criticize and devalue everyone who disagrees with them.
2. Hidden (closed) daffodils. Unlike their “brothers” from the first subgroup, closed daffodils do not like to be in the spotlight. The covert narcissist may hide behind a façade of morally healthy ministry for a while, but wait. Like all narcissists, he craves fame and recognition. It’s just a matter of time. And God forbid you do not give him a worthy recognition, then he will bring down all his anger on your head.
Instead of openly demanding things, closeted narcissists sometimes try to manipulate people into getting what they want. They may play the victim and press on compassion to convince you of something. They often try to appear better than they really are. Unlike open ones, they are characterized by passive-aggressive behavior: they promise but do not fulfill, they are inconsistent in their actions, they are cute creatures in public, little tyrants at home, etc. Sensitive to criticism.
3. The perverted narcissist. This is an extreme form of the narcissistic state in which the person actively seeks to harm others in emotional and sometimes physical ways. The perverted narcissist is not really interested in anyone other than himself. In relations with people, he is characterized by two polarities: either idealizes a partner, or devalues him. They want their partner to obey and fear them.
Their main goal is to assert themselves against your background, to make you feel inferior and inadequate. Living with them is sheer humiliation. You can never please them. They will never praise you. Your self-confidence with which you entered into a relationship with them is likely to be destroyed and replaced by self-doubt.
A person with a perverse variant of narcissistic personality disorder has the following traits:
- duality;
- vulnerability, painful perception of criticism;
- the need for admiration from others, the desire to always be in the spotlight;
- quick change of mood;
- high conceit;
- the desire to take the relationship to a new level as soon as possible in order to bind the victim more strongly;
- the tendency to talk about bad relationships with girls in the past, which, according to the narcissist, his chosen one ruined;
- tendency to manipulate in interpersonal relationships;
- avoidance of responsibility, inability to admit one’s mistakes.
Does narcissism differ between women and men?
Is there a difference between men and women narcissists? Hardly ever. Both of them can be identified by their romance with their own voice and continuous search for admiration. Both of them will insult you with their opinions, complaints and criticism until they wear out your last nerves.
In women, the more common variety is the victim or the martyr. She can take control of you with an “I do everything for everyone” statement about how much she does, has to do, has done, and what she is appreciated for. She will feel very keenly if you dare to disagree with her or ignore her. She will make you pay for it with pouts, sobs, or perhaps even threats to leave you or hurt herself. She knows by heart all the buttons that will help you “get through”: self-doubt, guilt and rejection.
Is narcissism always bad? Actually it is not. Healthy narcissism contains the seeds of confidence and self-respect. It is in human nature itself to be prone to narcissistic expression. And it’s not always bad!
Main symptoms
If the word “narcissist” is used in everyday conversations, this is simply a norm of behavior, and not a disease called a personality disorder. There is healthy and unhealthy narcissism.
Because of some problems, there are tired, irritable and exhausted people. Sometimes they think only of themselves, not paying attention to the feelings of other people. In addition, many criticize each other, behave aggressively. Healthy self-love helps maintain optimism and self-confidence, despite the negativity.
There are also people who have excessive self-love rolls over – they consider themselves exceptional individuals and strive to become an object of admiration. This is clinical pathology.
To understand that narcissism is a disease, it is enough to know its main signs:
- Burning envy of other people’s success.
- Better versus worse every day.
- Demonstrating your uniqueness, needing praise.
- Superiority over the “gray” majority with exquisite talent.
- Jumping self-assessment.
- Arrogance and lordly attitude towards people around.
- Misunderstanding and disrespect for people’s feelings, indifference to their experiences and problems.
- An unhealthy desire for wealth, success, power and worldwide recognition.
- Lovers to criticize and look for gaps in the work of comrades.
What is the danger of being a “narcissist”?
People with unhealthy narcissism find it difficult to live in society:
- They are deprived of a way to gain useful experience in business and further development.
- Narcissists do not tolerate failure and shame during the period of learning any business – they immediately need to succeed in everything and shine in front of others.
- They are unable to build strong relationships based on trust. They suppress their soul mate in a sophisticated form, sometimes even cruelly.
- Constantly change their self-esteem, and then painfully look for ways to get admiration from others. So, for girls, these are experiments with appearance, for men, buying expensive items (cars, yachts, gadgets of the latest model).
Recognize in time
If there is a suspicion that there is one narcissist in a couple, you should run away from him without looking back. And 3 main signs will help to recognize such a person:
- Violence or cruelty is both physical and psychological bullying: criticism, humiliation, contempt, obscene language. In this case, a healthy family will not work.
- Not recognizing problems – not wanting to see their own mistakes and failures, the narcissist will never look for ways to solve them.
- Signs of behavioral disorder – constant lying without remorse leads to a complete lack of empathy for others. Such a person will practically not be able to change.
Such arrogant behavior of a narcissist radically changes his partner – he walks on tiptoe so as not to upset his beloved, or breaks down and makes constant scandals. Naturally, this will in no way help in creating a healthy relationship.
“Cure” for narcissism
The pronounced form of such a state is practically not amenable to correction. A cruel narcissist does not know how to build relationships, he considers people slaves, is often offended, prone to addictions, and is afraid of being exposed. Therefore, the proposal to visit a psychotherapist or psychologist ends in failure. He loves squabbles, disputes, Internet showdowns, so over time he remains alone. Loneliness also makes him manipulate his relatives and friends even more harshly, shifting all the blame for his behavior onto them. Almost no one with the pathology of falling in love with himself admits that their whole life is a self-deception.
Narcissists with a less pronounced form sometimes admit their mistakes and realize that there is a problem. They are looking for ways to change and make their lives easier. Having emotional problems, such people can easily turn to psychologists, but any sorcerers and psychics should be avoided.
You can also use these tips:
- Remind your partner every day that kindness is very important in the family.
- With an open mind, tell your loved one about longing, fear of loneliness, thirst for love for him. If a man is capable of empathy, frank conversations should soften him a little.
